• Years ago when I was student teaching in an all-Black school, an African-American colleague sagely advised me that Black children are often taught to assume a head-down, eyes-up posture in order to convey respect. I was so grateful for this tip because, unlike a lot of White teachers who didn’t get clued in, I was spared misinterpreting the posture as denoting defiance or even hostility. (Later, a Dutch friend told me that in the Netherlands, schoolchildren showed their respect by sitting with their arms folded across their chests. An American teacher, walking into a room filled with polite Dutch children, would probably reach for the Valium!)
• During L.A.’s civil unrest a decade and a half ago, it was reported that African-American patrons of Korean-run stores resented it when the merchants put change on the counter rather than directly into shoppers’ hands. I was told that it is extremely rude for a Korean to make change hand-to-hand, but it’s easy to see how the customers inferred that the merchants didn’t wish to have physical contact with them.
• I hear complaints from Latinos that Asian store owners follow them around as they shop. I’m old enough to remember when American store clerks were extremely solicitous, hovering nearby in case I had a question or wanted help. This was just “doing their job.” Old World salesmanship contrasts sharply with today’s laid back, “let me know if you need anything” style, but it clearly makes some people feel as if they are under suspicion as potential shoplifters.

We should all question the assumptions and inferences we make. Your code of politeness and respect may look very different from mine. The encoding/decoding process is tricky, regardless of whether we are looking at inter-generational misunderstandings, miscommunications of the Mars/Venus type, or uncomfortable intercultural encounters.